| She lies and says she's in love with him |
[26 Aug 2003|04:18pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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music |
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watching the clock |
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Ah, yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am going back to the crazy world of candle making. The money is good and it seems like it will be steady income for at least the next six months. And I don't have to go to crazy Tracy's house to work anymore because I have my own apartment and can work from there. I'm keeping my job at the Anthropology Department, more out of spite than anything else. So pretty soon I will be rolling in dough. Only not so much beacuse I still have to pay rent and bills.
I had a wonderful day listening to the rain and watching the lightening from the comfort of the Anthro office.
My classes are going well. I got to listen to The Police in my first class. Weeee!
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| Stacy's Mom |
[13 Aug 2003|01:32am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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Lumidee |
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What is it with Fountains of Wayne? I saw them play at the Hatch Shell in, like 1996. Not that they were real popular then, but still...
I'm back in Beantown and having fun. Fun, fun, fun.
I miss Flagstaff.
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[17 Jul 2003|02:34pm] |
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mood |
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GAH! |
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music |
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The Verve |
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Sting was here and staying at Nicole's brother's hotel. Sting did not call me when he was in town. Does this mean our relationship is over?
I love Sting.
Now I know how Lauren felt when Wil Weaton was in Flag and he didn't call her. This might be worse becasue I was in Flagstaff while Sting was in Flagstaff. I almost want to cry, but it's nice knowing that, for three days, we were breathing the same air.
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| Excessive posting? I think so... |
[10 Jul 2003|01:25pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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Erin Mckeown (still in my head) |
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Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers are going to be on channel 2 tonight at 10. But channel 2 is not channel 2 here, it is channel 8. So at 10 tonight, I will be watching Tom Petty strut his stuff all over channel 2, I mean 8.
I l-o-v-e Tom Petty. But don't tell anyone.
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| I don't know how to break this to you, but her blue eyes are never blue |
[25 Apr 2003|03:40pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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They Might Be Giants |
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I got no sleep last night because me and Katie decided to play dress-up at 1am. Ah, the blessings of living with a frou-frou girl (not to be confused with the actual Frou-Frou). Went to class, went to work. Tracy received *another* letter from Michael today. Same bullshit, "I love you and I miss you and I woke up this morning thinking about you why can't you love me like I love you." Mild amusement.
Now, off to Vegas to show off my tits and whiskey. Miss me!
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| A thousand years... |
[24 Apr 2003|05:33pm] |
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mood |
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 silly |
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music |
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Where Music Meets Film--Sundance Film Festival |
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So today...
It started real calm and real normal. Then I went to work and it still seemed like I would have nothing crazy to report to all of you. Then the mailman came...
Tracy occasionally gets these letters from her ex-fiance Michael. They are mostly cheesy letters and bad poetry. Today she received not one, but four letters. Not just four letters, but four different pieces of mail. So we had story time. There were a few notable details that came with these letters...
1. he never puts a return address on these letters
2. he never signs the letters
3. he types the letters
4. he rarely puts Tracy's name in the letters
Can we say 'stalker'?
We read the two letters and all they said was, "I love you and I miss you and won't you consider taking me back and did I mention I love you and I love the kids and I can't imagine the rest of my life without you."
Then we have a Hindu prayer and on the back he types, "I am sitting in my garden, watching everything grow. I want to watch you grow and change. I want to be one with you. Won't you come sit in my garden with me so we can grow as one?"
Then we have the poem. It was priceless. As I was reading it aloud, I realized Michael ripped off Sting!! Sting, my boyfriend, my love. He stole "A Thousand Years" in its entirety, just typed it up and attempted to pass it off as his own. What the fuck?! And Tracy had the nerve to call the "poem" cheesy. I almost cried.
I thought about walking down to New Frontiers and jumping Michael in the parking lot. But I won't. I will just tell Sting when I see (stalk) him in Tuscany this May.
Side note: the family trip to Italy is officially on. Two and a half weeks with my parents, brothers, uncle and grandparents. This is a disaster waiting to happen.
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| This year April had a blizzard |
[19 Apr 2003|11:25pm] |
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mood |
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hm |
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music |
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Dar Williams |
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Thursday...making candles and listening to Tracy and Robert be all cute and flirty. Didn't Tracy say she was through with guys for a while? Robert is not living at Tracy's anymore, but he's always at the house (I think he might be shacking up with John the neighbor). And as much as Tracy says they broke up, they did not.
Friday...Tracy went to Sedona to take care of some stuff and left the kids at home with us. I spent five hours chasing after kids and refereeing and trying to make candles. We had to make the kitchen off limits because we were working at the kitchen table. The kids did not grasp the concept of "off limits". It sucked. Some of the highlights--
Jasmine wanted tea so Ura made her tea. Jas and Asa (Candle maker Kerry's daughter) disappeared into the bathroom for a few minutes. When they came out, Jas tried to give Ben her tea. He didn't want it so Jas started chasing him around to try to make him drink it. I told Jas to stop and drink her tea because she wanted it. She said she didn't want it and I asked why. She smirked and started bouncing around. I asked her what she did to it and she said, just as sweet as can be, "Nothing." Then Asa busts out of the bedroom and screams, "Jasmine put toothpaste in it!"
I then made the bathroom off limits.
The bunny got loose...Jas and Asa wanted to play with it and took it out of his cage. Then they promptly dropped him and Ura's dog saw lunch and went after him. He scrambled under the firewood bin they have in the front hall. We spent twenty minutes trying to lure Bunny out. Then Robert comes home and reached under there and just grabs the bunny and puts him back in his cage. I then made the bunny off limits.
Ben decided he wanted to hit Jimmy (the dog) with this little plastic bat. Ben doesn't grasp the concept of time-out. He doesn't realize he is being punished. So when he is not behaving, we have to put his toys in time-out. When Tracy finally came home i sat at the kitchen table emptying my pockets of all the toys in time-out. Tracy got a kick out of it.
The kids make me laugh. I can't tell you how many times I came close to busting up while trying to keep some sort of control over the kids. I can now understand what my mother meant when she told me that no matter what me and my brothers did as kids, we always made her laugh and in the long run, that was all that mattered.
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| Trust me, dear, you'll be better off this way |
[14 Apr 2003|09:08pm] |
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mood |
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slightly intoxicated |
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music |
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Guster |
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The drama continues...
Tracy kicked Robert out of the house. She said she felt like he didn't respect her or the bounderies she set for her or her kids. No shit--his lack of respect is nothing new. I guess she just caught on. You know what they say, better late than pregnant...
So work today consisted of Tracy and Ura starring in the male-bash of the century.
"I feel like I have an extra kid when I date a guy." -Tracy
"I know exzctly what you mean. If I wanted to have a kid, I'd get knocked up." -Ura
"I'm really going to enjoy being single. I won't have to deal with any of the bullshit that comes with a stupid guy and his stupid issues." -Tracy
It was one of the more entertaining days at work, definatley more entertaining than the pot-smoking, acid-tripping, Dead-following stories I've been hearing during the past few weeks.
And I left work early because David is in town and I wanted to see him. I went out to eat with him and a few other kids. I swear I was only planning to have a beer with dinner. A beer turned into a couple of (shared) Buster Bowls and a tequila shot. I never did get my beer. But tonight...
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| I'm free as a bird and light as a feather |
[12 Apr 2003|12:36am] |
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mood |
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eh |
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music |
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Howie Day |
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I really need to find a new job. This candle-making thinkg is really taking its toll on my sanity. I went from working at least three days a week to working maybe one. It's gotten to the point where I really don't want to witness anymore drama. The drama has lost its attraction, especially because I can't really stand any of the people I work with. It's become just the same bullshit over and over. Tracy never learns.
She spent today bitching about her ex Michael. She was going on and on about how he's an ass and never really lover her. They had been on and off for months because he didn't want to raise kids again and he wasn't ready to settle down and get married again. But he still asked Tracy to marry him. I think they broke off their engagement two or three times. She can't stand this guy; all she does is bitch about him and how he treated her like shit and walked all over her. All she did when they were together was bitch about the way he treated her. Nothing has changed. The kicker: she still wears the engagement ring.
On a happier note, I hung out with Stupidgomanda and some other kids tonight. We sat around, listened to Alix Olsen and swapped stories about shaving and being bridesmaids. Uneventful, yes, but fun all the same.
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| suicide is painless |
[11 Apr 2003|12:01am] |
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mood |
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giggly |
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music |
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the tv |
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I think I might quit my job.
The end.
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| It's like riding shotgun with Kurt Cobain |
[03 Apr 2003|08:04pm] |
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mood |
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satisfied |
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music |
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Mary Lou Lord |
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Little FYI: Where I come from, Mary Lou Lord's only claim to fame is fucking Kurt Cobain.
Also: Slutasha wants to be a part of this journal. She does not work with me and doesn't even reside in the same state as me. I told her that would be compromising the contents of this journal if I included her. She disagrees. So I am going to humor her just this once and give her a mention.
For the longest time, my boss hid her pot smoking from me. I don't care if she is smoking or what she is smoking but she obviously cared what I thought of her habits to hide this from me for a year-ish. Whatever.
But now that we have all these stinky (and I mean stinky) hippies working at the sweatshop, Tracy is smoking all the time. I walked into work today and the kitchen is full of smoke. At least they stopped offering it to me. There is something bizarre about smoking with my boss. It's like crossing a line.
We have a new player in these games...
Ura is the token hippie now. She stinks. A lot. I opened the skylight today to get a little breeze going in the attic/candle factory and every time the wind blew, I would get a whiff of Ura's eau de B.O. I'm guessing since she lives in her car she probably doesn't have a shower, but I reach a point of grossness and I need to bathe, even if it's in the ocean or something. I need to get clean once in a while even if it's a half-assed cleaning.
I miss Stupidgomanda. I don't have anyone to pass the time with at work now. No one will even speculate about Tracy's life with me. And I have no one who will photocopy their boobs with me.
The drama of the day...
A while back, Tracy decided she was going to buy a laptop. Instead of buying a new one, she thought it might be cheaper to get a slightly used one off e-bay. (She paid $1700 for a used one...I got a new one for less than that.) So she ends up buying one from a guy in Spain, then sends a money order to him and wonders where her laptop is. And all along, she was saying how sketchy it seemed and how she hoped he wasn't ripping her off. He ripped her off. She contacted e-bay and this guy claims that someone hacked into his account strictly to rip people off and it's not his fault because he contacted e-bay to have them deactivate his account.
So today Tracy gets an e-mail from this guy saying how sorry he is and how he wishes he could get her money back. Tracy was BULLSHIT after receiving this e-mail and wrote him back bitching him out for writing to her. But she refuses to contact e-bay to see about getting her money back or something. She's just wasting her time and energy bitching at this guy, but bitching people out can be satisfying, so I can at least identify with her on this one. But it still seems sorta pointless...
I guess most of the things Tracy does seem sorta pointless.
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| Together we make a cocktail of surprise, with my soft ears, his hard hard eyes |
[02 Apr 2003|11:35am] |
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mood |
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 listless |
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music |
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G-n-R |
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What is it with wrong numbers lately?
So I will be going back to work tomorrow afternoon. Back to the drama that manages to consume my boss' life over and over again. I think a lot about the craziness that ensues at my work. How can one person create so much bullshit for herself? And why does she enjoy having a life that revolves around said bullshit? If she just said fuck it and stopped being so hell-bent on finding a husband she would be better off. But I guess that goes back to the not-my-place concept.
The more I'm around Robert the carpenter, the more I really can't stand him. He's a dick to Tracy, an ass to her kids and has a hint of creepy-guyness about him. He feels like the kids should have some allegiance to him but he couldn't give less of a shit about Ben and Jasmine. He's just fucked up.
He commented on my "unique hairline" a while back. It was real creepy because he just stared and stared at it and told me that it was fascinating. Call me crazy, but I don't think hairlines are all that interesting.
This whole situation they have going is just freaky. I try and try to understand Tracy's justification, but it still just baffles me.
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| It's how high you are and the time it takes to heal |
[29 Mar 2003|06:08pm] |
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mood |
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 nerdy |
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music |
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The Catherine Wheel |
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What makes a good mother? What makes a bad mother? Now, I pose these questions because Robert has accused Tracy of being a bad mother. You might think it was her excessive use of pot around her children that would make her a bad mother. Or the fact that she plays her children against each other. But, no. Robert thinks Tracy is a bad mother because she has a revolving door and a never ending line of different men to fill it. Tracy's children are six and three and chances are they have no idea that their mom is a slut. It will be a long while until they put two and two together.
I don't condone Tracy's turbo-slut behavior, but somehow it doesn't seem like it's Robert's business to tell Tracy that she is a bad mother because she sleeps around. He's not helping this situation by living with and fucking Tracy. He's part of the long string of men slipping in and out of Tracy's world. I could understand his concern for his own health by pointing out Tracy's "easy" nature. But if he doesn't want to be at risk, then he shouldn't fuck her. He shouldn't drag her kids into the battle; it's not his place. Just like it's not my place to tell Tracy I don't think smoking pot around her kids is a good idea. Short of beating or starving her kids, I can't tell her how to raise her kids or how I think kids should be raised. I don't have kids; I don't want kids. So why is it my job to tell her how to raise hers? It's not.
And another thing...Robert is not a father, but more importantly, he is not Ben and Jasmine's father. Although he is in constant contact with them, he is no more of a father than any of the other men in their lives, including their biological fathers.
Friday afternoon, as I was getting ready to leave, Tracy had to pick up Ben from daycare. Jasmine decided to stay home. No big deal...until I found no one home. Robert's truck was in the driveway so he had to be around some place. I'm not a babysitter. I don't really like children. I get paid to make candles in a sweatshop. So I got Jas dressed and took her up to John the neighbor's. I don't know John the neighbor well, but he's a good friend of Tracy and Robert. We walked up the road and when I knocked on the door some random creepy guy answered. And he treated all five feet of me like some threat to homeland security. Because with a six year old, I'm gonna fuck some shit up. I asked if Robert was there and he was in the back playing pool. John the neighbor was on the phone, but came out and said hi to us. I explained my predicament to him: Tracy's not home, I would like to go home to eat dinner, I can't leave Jas home alone...
He CLOSES the door, turns around and tells John the neighbor that Jasmine is there and asks if he should let us in the house. John the neighbor gets off the phone and comes outside and gets Jas while creepy stranger is giving me stink-eye (not pink eye).
Fucking-M!
Now Tracy and Robert the carpenter are not speaking, which makes for an awkward situation when he comes home from work. If I were in Tracy's position I wouldn't be talking to him either. I also wouldn't let him continue living in my house, but I guess Tracy and I do not see eye to eye on this one. Go figure.
And the drama continues...
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| I may be a slut but I'm never bored |
[26 Mar 2003|04:40pm] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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music |
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The Nields |
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I needed money. So I got my happy ass a job making candles thinking it would be easy money. No putting up with the public and all their demands, no uniform, work whenever the hell I wanted...it seemed like a dream job. The job itself is easy, putting up with my boss' drama is not. She is crazy, real crazy. She claims to want a calm life for her and her children, but I think she secretly craves drama and I think she likes to tell people about her drama. She likes being the center of attention.
So begins my career as a candlemaker. And I am here now, a year later, to bring all of you "Confessions of a Candlemaker".
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titsandwhiskey's journal